The Unlikely Dirty Little Secret
by femaleodd
Summary: JoeyXMalik, Malik asks Joey the only question he wanted to hear from his mouth, but after a while he gets tired of being a secret. please r&r pretty much all OOCness
1. The strange beginning

.:Joey's pov:.

I had liked Malik for a long time but when he first walked up I had no idea what was coming next. Or how it would completely change my life.

* * *

.:Malik's pov:.

Joey was all I had wanted for quiet a while now. It's not like I showed it at all. I acted the same around him as I did the others and I had finally gotten sick of it. It was time to end it once and for all.

* * *

A/n: Kinda scary isn't it? I'll keep stalling for a second now to build anticipation...wait for it...keep waiting...okay i'm done with the momentary cliffy...

* * *

.:Normal pov:.

Malik walked up to Joey acting as if everything was cool and normal.

"Hey Mal, What's up?"

"Not much. Um, Joe, I was wondering..."

"What?"

"Will you go out with me?" Joey couldn't help but pause for a moment.

* * *

.:Joey's pov:.

Wait a second. Did he just ask me to go out with him? Am I dreaming? Did I die and go to heaven? Is he joking? What if he's joking. I'd never hear the end of it.

* * *

.:Malik's pov:.

Oh god. He's stalling. Is that good? Can that be good? Could that possibly be good? I wonder if he thinks that i'm joking.

* * *

.:Normal pov:.

"Joey, I don't know if you think that i'm joking or not but i'm not."

"Well, that's nice to know. But Malik, my answer is yes."

"Do you think that we could keep this a secret for a while?"

"Sure."


	2. At Malik's house

femaleodd: welcome to the randomness corner.

Bethani: Yay!

Marie: Where's my Marik?

Malik: In the shadow realm.

Bethani: Malik! YAY!

Joey: Why da heck did you put me with Malik?

femaleodd & Marie: For hotness purposes.

Marie: Malik and Joey, will you guys make out?

femaleodd: Here's how you do it! (pushes Malik and Joey together and makes them kiss)

(Bethani pushes Joey out of the way and starts making out with Malik)

female odd: Ok now for the story. Oh yeah this chapter is dedicated to the first reviewer, Miriku-Yami's Queen of the Nile-Yami no Hikari. (passes out from saying all that in one breath)

* * *

.:Normal pov:.

Malik and Joey walked to Malik's house holding hands. They went through the alleys and avoided the main streets where everyone else would be. The only person that they would possibly run into going this way would be Bakura. It wouldn't matter if they did because if Ryou thought that there was a reason behind it, he'd make Kura keep his mouth shut. Besides, if Kura started to tell, they could easily get Yami to send him to the shadow realm.

After about 20 minutes of walking, (they're pretty much taking the long way, remember?) they finally came to Malik's house with his sister Ishizu and brother Rashid. (got this info from a yu gi oh group I'm in so…yeah) Malik led Joey up to his bedroom.

* * *

A/n: I know what you're thinking (perverts) No that is not happening in this story. Because it's rated-T. But this part is gonna end up being really hilarious. I'm done.

* * *

They had no more than gotten into the room and shut the door and Malik and Joey started making out. They had been making out for no more than five minutes and there was a knock on the door. Then, the door was flung open.

"Malik, I was wondering…oh dear…" Said Ishizu.

"How many times have I told you to knock before you come into my room!" Asked Malik, more embarrassed than mad.

"That's what I did. I knocked and then I came in."

Malik put his face in his hands "You're supposed to wait for someone to say for you to come in. Now what did you want to ask me?"

"Oh never mind. By the way, have you guys figured out which one of you guys is gonna be the girl?"

"Sister!" "Ishizu!" Malik and Joey yelled at the same time.

"Never mind." Ishizu left the room while Malik and Joey were as red faced as they could ever be.

* * *

sorry if i made ishizu a tad bit dumb. i needed it for hilariousness purposes. by the way, i got 33 more hits on the first chapter than i did reviews. so please if you read this story review. i love reviews. you'll get a really yummy cookie of your choice but no chocly chip! those are mine!


	3. Oh crud

femaleodd: I had a serious writers' block on this chapter. But yay!

Marie: Oh brother.

(Bethani and Malik are making out on the couch that randomly appeared)

femaleodd: You guys, its time for the thing between the beginning of the chapter

Bethani:(pulls herself away from Malik long enough to say something) Tell them to go away. We're busy. (goes back to Malik)

Joey: Gross.

(Mai appears)

Mai: Hi Joey. (Mai and Joey start making out)

Marie: Is it gross now?

Joey: Leave me alone.

femaleodd: Since the only reviewer so far has been the same reviewer as the first chapter, this chapter is dedicated to my friend whose name on is Master-Horus for talking to me during my writers' block and told me to rip out someone else's hair instead of my own because I love it. So yay!

* * *

.:Normal pov:.

Malik walked with Joey to his house. Joey insisted that they took the main roads and just not hold each others' hand.

"Sorry about my sister." Said Malik after a long silence.

"It's ok. Now that you think about it, it was kinda funny. She acted so blond."

A/n: Borrowed that last part from the only review so far.

"Yeah it was kinda funny. But it wasn't at the moment."

"Of course it wasn't. Ishizu was pretty inappropriate. But it was still hilarious."

"Yeah."

They walked up to Joey's house.

"Well, we're at my house, so bye." Malik looked around and saw nobody that he recognized. He kissed Joey goodbye and ran off back to his house. On the way there though, he ran into Yugi, Duke, Tea, and Tristan on their way to Joey's house.

"Hi Malik." Said Yugi.

"Hi guys. Where are you going?"

"To Joeys house. Do you want to come with us?"

"Sure." Replied Malik without giving it a single thought.

* * *

oh crud. well anyways, i love reviews, so please review! I actually kinda...shriek when i check my email and see that i have a review. so please review and make it so my family shoves a sock in my mouth to keep me from shrieking.


	4. A Yugi surpirse

femaleodd: Sorry for this chapter taking so long. I got The Sims Deluxe Edition and then I got grounded from the compy. But this chapter promises to be a tad bit funny/unusual.

Marie: Enough of the chatter!

Bethani: I have finally decided to stop making out with Malik so I can say something. So, something. (goes back to making out with Malik)

Joey: And femaleodd has decided to have Mai disappear so I'll actually say something too.

Marie: YAY! I've found out how to get people out of the Shadow Realm! (pulls Yami over and grabs a fork) Get my Marik out of the Shadow Realm or you'll get stabbed with this fork.

Yami: Please, a fork can't so that much.

Marie: Do you want to find out if it can or not?

Yami :(gulps) Ok. (frees Marik from the shadow realm)

Malik:(stops making out with Bethani for a sec) OH RA!

femaleodd: Since the world is going to come to doom soon I'll get to the story.

* * *

.:Normal pov:.

Malik didn't notice until they were halfway to Joey's house where exactly he had agreed to go with everyone.

.:Malik's pov:.

Oh crap. What the heck is going to happen now? Yugi is gonna know that somethings wrong. I don't know about the others. I don't think that they're that bright.

.:Normal pov:.

It went on like that for the rest of the way to Joey's house. When Joey opened the door, he looked surprised to see Malik standing there. He led them all to his room where they all just picked a spot and sat there.

A/n: I'm not having the conversation through the whole thing because A. It would take too long and B. I don't have anything for them to talk about. And plus, I don't wanna possibly have to write speech about friendship.

Everyone was there for an hour until they ran out of stiff to talk about. They all went home and Joey thought it was the end of having to deal with his and Malik's secret for today. Boy was he wrong.

It had only been a half hour since everyone left when Yugi called. The conversation went like this.

Y: Hey Joe.

J: Hey Yug.

Y: I know your secret.

J/oh crud/You do?

Y: It's so obvious that you like Malik.

J/whew/ It is?

Y: You seriously think I missed your glancing at him every five seconds?

J: Yeah...

Y: Well I didn't. But I think you should go for it. It seems to me like he likes you too.

J/i know he does/ I dunno...

Y: You know he was also glancing at you every five seconds.

J: Well I didn't know until you just told me.

Y: Ok. Well, Grandpa is calling me for some reason. Got to go.

J: Later.

They both hung up and Joey let out a sigh of relief.

.:Joey's Pov:.

Well, that was one group encounter while trying to keep a major secret. I hope it gets easier.

* * *

ok answer to wonderful question asked, no i did not get socks shoved in my mouth cause i was expecting a review. however i wasn't expecting 2. so yeah. i love all reviews so if you bother to read this, please review. even if it's just a word or two, just review. please? it'll make my day. enough rambling. NOW CLICKY THE LITTLE PURPLE-ISH BUTTONY DOWN THERE!


	5. An annoying sister

femaleodd: YAY! We're back!

Marik: I'm gonna cause doom! DOOM! DOOMY DOOMY DOOMY!

Bethani: Insanity! YAY!

Malik: Don't you care that there's gonna be years and years of darkness now because of YOUR yami?

Marie: I'm more than just her yami. I'm Marik's lover!

(massive face vault)

Joey: No really?

Marie: Nice sarcasm.

Joey: You too.

Yugi: Stop your sarcasm war!

femaleodd: Why do I keep on integrating all the other Yu-Gi-Oh characters in with this?

Seto: Because you want to.

femaleodd: Thank you Seto. Wait, did Seto Kaiba actually go a sentence without being arrogant or egotistical?

Mokuba: Yes. Now, big brother didn't that feel nice?

Seto: Yes, it made me feel warm and fuzzy. Now, where's my pink fuzzy slippers and blanket?

(another massive face vault)

femaleodd: I command you all to watch the really old version of The Ten Commandments. Since I am the god of this story I should get my own ten commandments...

(3rd massive face vault)

Yahweh: You don't get your own ten commandments. (suddenly decides to streak)

Marie: My Eyes! They burn!

(Marik goes streaking)

(another massive face vault)

Bethani: My Eyes burn!

femaleodd: I know! Why did two guys that we didn't want to see naked go streaking?

Bethani: I'm ending this now because I don't think that anyone has bothered to read all this rubbish since they died laughing when Seto said that he has pink bunny slippers. And plus if they made it after that I think they stopped reading after the 3rd massive face vault. Plus it's totals one page right now.

femaleodd: There was somethingI was going to say but I forgot what it was

* * *

.:Normal pov:.

When Malik walked into his home, he didn't want to deal with any crap but unfortunately for him he lived with Ishizu.

"Why were you gone so long? Did you and Joey have more fun at his house?" asked Ishizu as her brother waked in the door.

"Shut up."

"While you were there did you figure out which one of you guys is the girl?"

Malik had enough of dealing with his sister who should've been born blond, so he walked up to his room and locked the door.

.:Malik's pov:.

I do not need to be dealing with her crap. If I wanted to have to deal with her I would've invited her to pick on me.

.:Normal pov:.

Malik's cell pone started ringing. He knew that it was probably Ishizu but he answered it anyways.

M:What do you want Ishizu?

I: I figured that you must be the girl of the couple because that's the only way that you could have PMS.

M: Ha ha very funny.

I: So how much fun did you have at Joey's house?

M: Could you just leave me the hell alone?

I: Not until I find out which of you and Joey is the girl.

M: Just fucking leave me alone.

I: Rashid, I got Malik to swear! Wanna hear him swear? Just get on the phone and ask him out of him and Joey who is the girl.

R(in the background): Just leave him alone.

M: Ishizu, take the phone away from you ear for a second. Thank you Rashid!

I: Ow, that hurt.

M: You should've been born a blond.

I: I resent that. I'm not that stupid.

M: Wow, a word that isn't in a first grade vocabulary book.

Ishizu hung up the phone as Malik breathed a sigh of relief.

.:Malik's pov:.

Thank god that I annoyed her enough to get her hang up. Sometimes she is just plain annoying.

* * *

review reviewy reviewy reviewy! review and i'll be smart for once! or maybe not. i have to choose... 


	6. Dinner at Malik's house

Femaleodd: Wow it's been almost 2 months.

Bethani: It's just because you forgot all about this story. No worries.

Femaleodd: I shouldn't be forgetting about my stories!

Marie: Weren't you going to say something about that one person's review-ish thing?

Femaleodd: Oh yeah, I don't appreciate it when people review my story just to basically call me a cold heartless bitch. Because you don't know me well enough to call me that and if you really wanted to call me that, it would've taken a lesser amount of time to just go to my profile and to look up my e-mail. And this is after I've calmed down a considerable amount.

Marik: Remind me to stay out of her way when she's mad.

Malik: She breaks out her college reading level words when she's mad. (giggles)

Femaleodd: Oh yes! Doubly good news! I have both a college reading level and I scored in the 99th percentile on my NRT FCAT reading scores.

Bethani: If you don't know what that means it means that she scored the same as or above 99 percent of the students tested.

Femaleodd: So I could have the highest score!

Marie: Damn you.

Marik: Want me to destroy her dear?

Femaleodd: Marik is PW-ed! (laughs)

Yami: What's PW-ed?

Seto: Well...

Marie: Yugi, you explain this one.

Yugi: Well, a guy that's said to be PW-ed,is completely controlled by his wife/girlfriend. The literal meaning of PW-ed is pussy whipped.

Yami: Oh. So you're PW-ed by Tea?

Yugi: Up...urp...(looks like fish because his mouth is opening and closing and nothing's coming out)

Marie: And in caught in a corner language that's a yes.

Yugi: Yami, could you send Marie to the shadow realm?

Yami: Why?

Yugi: Well...because she's evil!

Marie: No it's because I spoke the truth.

(Yugi glares at Marie)

Marie: And I spoke the truth again! I'm on a roll!

Femaleodd:(sweatdrops) Oh dear...Oh and I don't Own The song 'Let's all get drunk' by Afroman which I use part of it at the end which doesn't seem to fit which it doesn't because I read a really funny story by Lexi the Writer and I wrote that while I was hyper. Enjoy!

* * *

.:Normal POV:. 

During dinner Malik still didn't get a break from his sister. You'd think that he would because they were eating but Ishizu just didn't know how to take a hint.

"You still haven't answered my question."

"That's because I don't have an answer."

"I think Malik has PMS."

"I think that Ishizu needs to get a grip and stop annoying her brother."

"What if Ishizu don't want to get a grip?"

"Then Ishizu's brother is going to get very mad at her?"

"Have you and Joey told Yugi and the others yet?"

"Um...uh...no. Could you not tell them?"

"Oh sure, I'm not going to tell you're friends, Mr. Rudeypants."

"Well, you're the one who made me grumpy."

"Are you sure that is wasn't from something else? Maybe from something dealing with Joey?"

* * *

A/n: Now here's a break to scream at Ishizu. Have fun screaming.

* * *

"Ishizu!" Malik screamed, sounding girly. (I can't help it if I picture his scream girly I did not mean it like that perverts) 

"Malik!" Ishizu mocked.

"You act like such a two year old."

"I think that maybe Joey shoved a crab up your butt, either that or something else..."

"We haven't done that yet! We just started going out today!"

"And yet you're already acting like a girl who has PMS."

"I DO **_NOT_** HAVE PMS! I'M A GUY FOR PETE'S SAKE!"

"Well you had me fooled."

"Of course I did. It doesn't take much over an IQ of 1." Well, at this point Rashid, who was quiet, stood up and started dancing like a total moron.

"Let's all get drunk tonight, I hope I don't fight with a punk toni-i-ight..." He sang. And Ishizu and Malik looked at him like he was crazy.

"Have you been listening to American music again?" Ishizu asked.

"Maybe..."

"It figures." She rolled her eyes.

* * *

so review and i won't forget about the story again! at least for a month or so. sorry to my faithful reviewers! and i have a major bone to pick with you people. i got 23 hits on chapter 5 and only 1 review i see a major probelm with that. so plese review even if it's just to say that you hated it, Malik and Joey should never be paired together, etc. just review! 


	7. Party time!

Femaleodd: Great. It takes me 2 months to update and then it takes me another 2 months to update again.

Bethani: So?

Marie: Yeah. So? You're lazy, big whoop.

Femaleodd: Easy for you to say.

Yami: Of course it's easy for her to say. Because she could send you to the Shadow Realm.

Femaleodd: Yeah but I'm her host body.

Bethani: Mine too.

Femaleodd: See?

Yugi: Nope. (Femaleodd takes the blindfold off of Yugi) WAIT! I SEE NOW!

Femaleodd: Sugar rush much?

Marik: Seriously.

Malik (Sounding like Miss Piggy): Is Marik going girly?

Marik: No, Marik is not going girly.

Marie: Why is Marik talking in third person? And why is Marie talking in third person too?

Marik: Marik does not know.

Marie: Marie says YAY! (Marie kisses Marik and it turns into a make out session)

Femaleodd: Oh great. (poofs Seto to spot)

Seto (is wearing pink bunny slippers and girly pajamas): What the hell?

Femaleodd: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Yugi: Totally evil person much?

Joey: I don't know. Is she evil?

Seto: I think so. Now I won't have anymore fangirls for weeks!

Yami: I don't think that you had any in the first place.

Joey: BURN! 3rd degree burn!

Bethani: Seto?

Seto: Yeah?

Bethani: Do you want some ice for that burn?

(Meanwhile, Yugi and Femaleodd are laughing on the floor. They get up and dust themselves off)

Femaleodd: Yugi and me, were meant to beeeee! (hugs Yugi)

(Tea pops up out of nowhere!)

Tea: Get...off...my...Yugi... (Femaleodd gulps and runs away)

Marie: By the way, Femaleodd doesn't own There they go or _Remember the Name_ by Fort Minor. They're just toally awesome songs that deserve to be in some story.

* * *

.:Normal mode (same night as chapter before):.

Now for some strange reason, Malik, Ishizu, and Rashid decided to have a party. Or course, because the only people that they really knew were Yugi and his friends, they were invited. And everyone was able to come. And that everyone included Joey.

_This is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill  
Fifteen percent concentrated power of will  
Five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain  
And a hundred percent reason to remember the name! _

As Yugi and the gang walked through the doors their eardrums were attacked by the not depressing Fort Minor songs. Then, they saw the alcohol. All the girls, except for Serenity who Joey didn't call because he knew that there would probably be tons of insanity, attacked the most of the non-beer drinks while the guys attacked the rest. (A/n: Believe me I've seen a lot of parties, that's how it goes.) Before long, everyone was on their way to being drunk.

One time for my Machine Shop crew and then its  
Two times S.O.B and LP too and then it's  
Three times It's Mike and Six on the track and then  
Four Times when we come in through the back they're sayin

Oh no close the door  
Shut the lights and start the show  
Better let everybody know  
Get on the mic and there they go

It was now near the end of the party and everyone was drunk and no one knew what song was even on.

"What song song is playing?" The drunken Rashid asked the drunken Yugi.

"I don't know. Something de-mon-ic."

Meanwhile, Tea had poor Ryou stuck in a corner. And she was talking. (Shudders)

"Did you know that friendship makes the world go 'round? It's true cause if you don't have friends then you're depreessed and then you can't have fun with like and then, what's the point in living if you're not having fun." Then Tea did a complete 360 in attitude. "I'm not having fun anymore. I think that I'll go rape Yugi and then die."

Then, was the sight on the couch. Malik and Joey were making out in front of everyone but nobody was watching. Or noticing for that matter. Joey was sitting right on top of Malik's lap. And again nobody was noticing. That is until Ishizu said something.

"Joey and Malik...are /hiccup/ going out..." And everything when quiet as all attention went to the duo on the couch.

"Huh?" Went the duo who were making out on the couch.

"OH MY GOD! IT'S TRUE!" Went Tea. Joey and Malik shrugged and went back to making out.

.:The next day...:.

"Do you guys remember anything that happened last night?" Joey asked the next morning.

"Yeah." Said Yugi. "Ishizu said something about you and Malik going out and you guys were making out on the couch."

"Yeah, I remember that too. What was up with that?" Asked Tristan.

"That was the alcohol my friends." Said Malik.

"Gahhh!" Screamed the still drunk Tea. "What was I doing with that knife in my hand? And pressed to my wrist? OH MY GOD! I HAVE A SLICE ON MY WRIST! I'M GONNA DIIIIIIIIIE!"

"Drama queen." Ishizu muttered as she went over and cleaned up the small cut on Tea's wrist.

* * *

Femaleodd: I kinda hate Tea and that's the reason why she was so...strange in this chapter. By the way, the lines aren't working on my compy so that's the reason for no lines. and review.

* * *

Femaleodd: THE LINES WORK AGAIN! IT'S A MIRACABLE! 


End file.
